Starting a new relationship is such an exhilarating time. We’re all caught up in the excitement, sharing our hopes, dreams, and plans for the future—talking about everything from favorite movies to how many kids we want. But there’s one topic that often slips through the cracks: household chores.
You might think, “It’s just chores! Is it really that big of a deal?” But here’s the truth: ignoring these conversations can lead to some pretty big issues down the line
Before you move in together, it’s essential to chat about how you’ll share household responsibilities. Now, if you’re already living together, don’t stress! It’s never too late to open up this dialogue.
The Weight of Tradition on household chores
Traditionally, men are seen as the providers and women as the caretakers of the home. While that works for some, it can create an unspoken expectation that women should manage the lion’s share of household chores. This can lead to feelings of frustration and burnout from some women.
Women are burdened with playing numerous roles at the same time. Take for example a working mom of two that balances a job, taking care of kids, cleaning the home, preparing food for the family, doing laundry and the list goes on. While her partner balances a job with occasionally helping out here and there.
It’s not hard to see how this mom will eventually burn out. I mean it almost sounds impossible but there are women that are juggling such loads daily without even realizing that no one person is supposed to be responsible for that much.
I mean if it was a job, we would have a different person for each role. Just think about it: A chef, nanny, cleaner, employee and a laundry attendant. Here is an interesting article on the mental load of household chores on women.
Stay at home mom and household chores
Let’s take another example. Imagine a stay-at-home mom who’s juggling a newborn baby at all hours of the night, then wakes up at 7 AM to start a new day—exhausted before it even begins. She’s managing feedings, diaper changes, cooking, cleaning, and laundry, all while chasing after little ones. By the time dinner rolls around, she is completely wiped out.
Dad comes home, he’s tired from work and ready to unwind, but mom still has a mountain of chores waiting for her. Dad decides to go play video games to relieve some stress from working all day. Mom is left with cleaning up after dinner and putting kids to bed. Mom is yet to take a break.
The day ends and the cycle continues the following days. Mom is starting to feel frustrated, but no conversation is happening to help solve the issue, so she starts getting snappy at her partner over trivial stuffs.
This endless cycle can wear anyone down.
Tackling the household Chore Conversation
It’s easy to think, “my partner should know what needs to be done.” and “I Should not have to ask him to help out.” But those unspoken expectations can lead to frustration. So, how do we tackle this?
Start the Conversation
First off, approach this conversation with kindness and openness. Choose a moment when you’re both calm—not after a long day when tempers might flare. Share how you’re feeling and express your needs. Remember, your partner may have no idea how overwhelmed you are.
Work Together on a Plan
The goal here is to help your partner understand where you’re coming from and figure out a plan together. Most people want to help, but they may not know how.
If after the conversation nothing changes, consider options like hiring a babysitter or a cleaning service to lighten the load.
Just remember you do not have to do it all. You deserve to rest too mama!
Visual household chores reminders
Sometimes a simple chore chart posted on the fridge can work wonders. It gives both of you a clear idea of what needs to be done and can help keep everyone accountable.
Final Thoughts
At the end of the day, we all want to feel loved, appreciated, and supported in our relationships. Don’t shy away from those tough conversations about chores—they’re essential for a happy partnership.
I’d love to hear your thoughts on this! Do you relate to the challenges of managing chores with your partner? Please drop a comment below.
And before you go, don’t miss my post on selfcare for moms—it’s important to take care of yourself, too!
I’ll see you in my next post. Bye for now.
An nice original article. Thank you for drawing on your personal experience – I’m sure it will help someone when adjusting to similar life changes!